Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
