forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
