they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
