I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
