DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize