false alarm. still invincible.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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