help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
