she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
