You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
