im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
