you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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