This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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