Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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