Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
