okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
