I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
