Can Purell be used as lube?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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