i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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