Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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