Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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