I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize