dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
