My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
