i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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