i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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