Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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