If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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