But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
