Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
