I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
