Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
