happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
