I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think my vagina is haunted
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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