Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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