If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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