dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
