96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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