You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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