One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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