Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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