Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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