I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
