Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
