Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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