i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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