walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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