Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
