this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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