if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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