I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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