He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
