Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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