After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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