At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
