if you like me you must not know who I am
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize