Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
