my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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