yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
