You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
