I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
