its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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