My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
