I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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