I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize