What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
