I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
