So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
