I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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