He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
