My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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