apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
