peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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