If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
