my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
