im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need a beard to bite.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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