Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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