and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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