I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
