so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
