Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
