Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
