A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
