i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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